From the VCC newsletter on 11/19: Parenting a Hyper-active Child

f you are reading this newsletter absolutely exhausted at the end of the day, or really early before your child rises to hurricane level activity, you just might be the parent of a hyperactive child. Today the most common solution is medication, and for some children, it is a real solution. But for many more it is not really helpful, and what you need are tools more than medication.  

Creating space

Creating space for the hyperactive child in your life involves effort. Make sure they get lots of physical activity— preferably outside. Plan time in his or her schedule to play, dance, and exercise. Give yourself permission to scale back your life and make room to enjoy your hyperactive child (Yes, I did say enjoy). Before you balk at the idea, keep in mind, with a hyperactive child, you may be struggling to get anything done anyhow, so stop feeling guilty and remember they will grow up and too soon. As long as you are creating space, let’s talk about diet.

Diet

Real, whole foods (I did not say healthy but that never hurts either). What I mean is take the processed foods out of your child’s regular meals. If you eat cheese, eat, real cheese. Eat real, fresh fruit. Get real peanut butter if you child can eat peanut butter. Feed them whole foods that are unrefined. It takes a little more time but not as much as you think, if you will plan out your meals in advance. Make sure you limit their sugar intake to 6 teaspoons per day— most children get in excesses of 21 teaspoons a day in the form of high fructose corn syrup hidden in pasta sauces, condiments, and “healthy” kids snacks like lowfat yogurt, juice, and more. Add to that a soda a day, containing as many as 10 teaspoons of sugar and it does not take long to ramp up any child into a frenzy. A little time invested in label reading can do a lot to help curb some of the common issues for hyperactive children.

Sleep

Another valuable tool is establishing regular sleep schedules. If you are not disciplined in this area yourself it becomes even harder to do, but it is well worth the effort. Before you establish bedtime, watch your child, see how they are wired. Some kids naturally zonk-out early. My oldest was naturally early to bed, early to rise. Others were naturally night-owls, late risers. Learning to work with their natural rhythms will help (of course keep in mind real world obstacles like schedules at work and school) but as much as possible work with your child’s natural rhythm. Additionally, creating a soothing sleep environment free of distractions can aid in you both finding rest sooner.

Parenting

In addition to all of these physical things, don’t forget you are a very important part of the equation. Hyperactive children are often singled out as problems, and they need to know Mom and Dad don’t see them as problems, but a gift. Assure your hyperactive child you are not mad at them for being hyperactive. They are fearfully and wonderfully made, God’s workmanship. It’s ok to be hyperactive, most of the time. Sometimes, it is imperative to control i, however, expecting to control the behavior all the time isn’t really reasonable. Make extra time for school and homework, and if it becomes crippling, consider an official diagnosis and an I.E.P. to help them manage school. Most of all pray for your child, not just about them, but for their peace, for their health, and for their ability to control their activity when they need to.

As funny as it sounds, your hyperactive child may just be God’s way of telling you to slow down and smell the flowers (that your hyperactive child just ripped out of your garden).

  

From the VCC Newsletter on 11/5: The Strong-willed Child

You might find this surprising, but I was a very strong-willed child. To this day I have a special place in my heart for strong-willed children. I get them. I am not exactly volunteering to take yours off your hands (haha), but I appreciate them and  have great empathy for their parents. To make matters more interesting, God gave me a wife with that same kind of strong-will and five children, four of whom were also strong-willed. As you can imagine it made for interesting times in the Hester household. With this in mind, I want to encourage those of you who have strong-willed children: you have been given a great gift!

Strong-willed children are not easily led astray; they are full of conviction; they want to know why; they are thoughtful; and they are able to persevere (you know that because they can easily outlast you in an argument). Now to be honest, the downside of being a strong-willed child is becoming a strong-willed adult. A lot of my life has been made more difficult by my personality, but over the years, the Holy Spirit has certainly tamed my carnal temperament.  He has helped me use the strengths of my personality to lead people and plant churches. I am grateful my parents did not try to squash my personality but learned to work with it. I am also grateful to the mentors who could see through my “rebellion” and recognize my challenges were not about defiance but serious questions. So let me give you a few suggestions to help you with your strong-willed child.

First, keep in mind what I talked about last week from Proverbs 22 (train up a child in the way they are going), and decide, now, not to break the spirit of a strong-willed child. Work with who he or she is. Just because the child isn’t compliant doesn't mean he or she is defiant. If it is real defiance then a suitable punishment can be helpful, but remember, you MUST see it to completion. If the strong-willed child realizes he or she has more will than you do, you are going to have a really hard time.

Second, define your boundaries ahead of time. You can’t get mad at a child over unmet expectations or violations that seem obvious to you. Define it! If you have not defined it, now is a good time Don’t punish a child for breaking a rule he or she didn’t know existed.

Third, avoid unrealistic (or impossible) demands. This is especially true when a child is very young. Often our expectations of what a child can reasonably do are too high.

Fourth, follow through on what you say. If you say punishment is imminent then it better be. If you say something will not be tolerated then be certain you are willing to enforce it. Be consistent in how you enforce things. Remember, a strong-willed child is measuring you up, and if you want a strong-willed child to respect you, then you have to do the same. Respect your child and keep your word, or he or she will not respect you.

Finally, make sure to affirm and assure your child of your love for them, regardless of the consequences or their behavior. Never make your child wonder if your love is limited by conditions or behaviors.    

I love my family full of lion-hearted adults, and I am glad we did not not squash them as strong-willed children . . . not that I never considered it.