No More Blank-looks, Busyness, or Being Bullied

You may have noticed that it has been almost a month since I have written on my blog. Throughout the summer I had written something most every week but things began to drop off as we signed a lease for a new worship center and we put a bid on a house. Over the last month we closed on our house and moved in (relatively speaking) and now we have submitted our permits and entered the construction phase of our new church home. While that is very exciting it has reminded me how serious the problem of busyness is for the church.

We in the church have bought into the worldly ideology of being busy and we have made a value out of packing our planners full. As a child I remember being told that as technology increased we would have greater leisure time and be able to accomplish the same amount of work in less time. This ideal of increased leisure quickly gave way to increased productivity, which sounds lofty and high-minded, and makes the idea of increased leisure sound lazy and ignoble. We in America pride ourselves on being productive and we have convinced ourselves that a busy life is one full of purpose. We have convinced ourselves that children who are actually loved will have lots of activities to keep them busy and never bored: music lessons, playing sports, and tutoring, The education system has responded by adding lots of homework, they believe will make us more competitive in a world that has become increasingly small and where America is loosing its edge educationally. We believe if we drive harder and accomplish more, that we will outrun our competition and continue to hold first place globally . . . So why isn’t that actually happening?

The truth is that in our busyness, our constantly being at work or on our smart phones, and even our efforts at home to keep everybody in the family working, is leading to emotional and mental exhaustion, and it is killing our creativity. No wonder we want to just “veg” in front of the idiot box. A wise man once said to me, we need to rest, not because the work is done, but because the work is never done. There is always more to do, more to accomplish, and with our smart phones we can take it with us where ever we go, even into our bedrooms. A recent wireless phone maker made the point that we needed to be saved from our phones by showing a scantly clad wife trying to get the attention of her smartphone engaged husband. The scary thing is not that she was dressed so scantly on TV but that most wives could easily identify with that commercial. What is wrong with us?

Over the summer, when we first moved here to get the church started I had dedicated myself to more reading of my Bible, more time in prayer, and to time spend time listening to God, as well as other creative and reflective tasks. The result was that I created lots of new materials, taught better lessons, wrote more, and thought more clearly. However, as I have inevitably gotten busy I have stretched myself thinner, my lists of accomplishments are longer, and my planner is more full. I have more check marks on my smartphone ‘to-do’ list–the marks of success? The problem is that the more busy I am the less time I have for people so relationships suffer. Then my creative and reflective time dissipated making sermons preparation more difficult, and my writing less frequent. For that matter I have no material to write about because my own reading time has reduced to a minimum, my prayer time has become perfunctory, and all the creative energy has been sucked out of my life. To boot, I have become more tired, anxious, and emotionally spent, and at the end of the day, I find myself sitting down to “veg” in front of the TV, joining millions of others in brainless, emotionless, non-activity. I am not like that. So how do I fight back against this malaise? Do I just pile more stuff on? Do I quit sleeping so I can read and be creative? (I am talking like a madman of course.)

You see, while many in our society are complaining about us getting fat and lazy, and spending too much time in front of the TV, all these “experts” do is suggest we do more: go exercise, read books, and pile on activities to improve our lives and minds. As a pastor I have foolishly piled on these same suggestions, with a more spiritual note of course, that you make time to read in your Bible and for prayer. (Let’s add in some guilt to the already compounding problem.)

Is the problem really TV, video games, and fast food? Do our children really benefit from endless hours of scheduled activity and piles of homework? Our standardized educational test scores indicate that we are only mid-field globally in education while countries whose test scores are higher have a high value on leisure time, and do not tax their children with endless homework. My point is not what they are doing, but asking the question, are we lost in a sea of busyness that suggests purpose and meaning? In a sea of busyness are we dying of thirst for a life that really satisfies? Maybe the blank-look on our faces, as we sit in front of the TV, is really just a response to the overwhelming vastness of our sea? When you can’t see land, you don’t hold out much hope of being rescued.

Often as a pastor I get teased about only working one hour a week. I laugh and say, No I only get paid for one hour a week the other 49 hours are volunteer hours. The truth is that as an American pastor I am always concerned about being perceived as lazy. The jokes are too numerous to be funny but tell me that people really do think pastors are lazy. In response to that I feel the need to have a task list longer than anyone else. I have read books like the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Leaders and I taken Franklin-Covey courses, and read numerous business books on productivity, even stuff on six-sigma practices. While all of those things have helped me to prioritize my work for the better, I am convinced that my yielding to this cultural pressure is essentially being unfaithful to my calling, and unfaithful to the flock I lead. As a pastor I want to be culturally current without being culturally naïve, driven or deceived. When the culture is destructive I should be the voice of opposition, calling people to repent of destructive behavior, and pointing the way to solid ground, and even modeling it in my own life on some level. The truth is that we in professional ministry are all more culturally relevant than we know. In fact, sometimes we even hold cultural values up as a standard and spiritualize these values with titles like calling busyness the Protestant Work-ethic so as to disguise our own workaholic tendencies, our own brokenness, and our own performance-laden need for approval. Surely not I?

The truth is that when God gave us the Sabbath, it was not for us to have another law to keep. Jesus said it best in Mark 2.27; The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. The point is that Sabbath was given to us because we need time for re-creation. We need to be renewed, and doing more in the hope that we can go fast enough to get it all done is futile. If you will not rest until your done, then you will not rest until your dead. Moreover, we need to ask, does cramming more into a day really make us more productive? Funny, is it not, that no one is saying that all this busyness is improving the quality of things? If the quality of our work and our lives is suffering, and at the end of the day we are so brain dead we would rather watch reruns of “Friends” rather than have a friends over, are we gaining anything? Maybe we need to call attention to the lie, that doing more makes us better? Maybe we need to get smart and turn off our smartphones? Maybe we need to say ‘no’ more often to activity. Maybe our kids will be all right if they can’t play three instruments and speak six languages before they take their ACT or SAT? Maybe they will be all right if they go to the same college you went to and don’t go to Oxford, Yale, The University of Texas, or Harvard? (What? Are you laughing because I put Harvard on that list?) My point is that I need to put my Franklin Covey priority system to work, and live what I say I believe. My ‘A’ list should include time (real time) to pray, to spend with people, and to reflect on God’s Word. While my ‘B’ list should include the stuff that only I can do. My ‘C’ list should be those tasks I simply feel I must do, and well, I should not make a ‘D’ list, and none of these lists should be more than three or four items long.

What then should I do about the next time I feel pressed by the worldly value of busyness? First, I should not cower, and cave. Second, I need to fight back, refuse to give into fools gold, and persevere in my efforts to do what is best, instead of letting myself be bullied by others who are just poor quality copies of some guru they are trying to imitate. Freedom, creativity, reflection, relationship building, all of these take time, and don’t build long lists. They do however build treasure in heaven.

Finishing Well

As a young man, when I first started walking with Christ I went to Bible College to “catch up.” I was frustrated by what I perceived as an advantage some people had who grew up in the church. I loved studying the Bible, but I knew only a few of the stories, and I knew nothing about church life. I did not understand things like what youth ministry was about, or how people dated without having sex, and numerous other things that were not written down, but everyone else in church seemed to know.

In Bible College, and later at university and graduate school, one of the things that I noticed was that my Bible and ministry professors spent all their energy on the people who seemed to have it together already. I did not know the social code of church assumptions and I said, and did, things that clearly told my professors I was not one of “them.” So I was not one of the favored few. During those years in school, I began to notice another sad trend. Many of the students these professors doted over started out well, but were crashing quickly. Those students knew the right things to say, and they were very charismatic, but they did not have any character, only head-knowledge and social acumen. Those students made great grades, but no one ever questioned what was going on between them and their boyfriends or girlfriends. No one questioned the health of their marriage or their anger issues. I soon realized that they began well, because of their social advantages, but starting well did not guarantee success. My professors were just men, and they were responding to the potential they saw in those students.

Even before graduation one of the brightest stars at the University fell very publically. Then a few years ago my Bible College graduation class celebrated twenty years and had a reunion. I did not go because I had left that denomination and joined the Vineyard Church, but I did hear from former classmates that only three of the forty were still in ministry, and that was including me, and we three were not the superstars of the class. The truth is that most of the people I went to school with are no longer in the ministry. The ones that are still in ministry are mostly the regular people who never got the spot light in school. Among this group several of us have doctorate degrees, some have planted churches, been missionaries, etcetera. We did not start with accolades.

Why do I bring this up?

Over the last few years I have seen numerous other people in professional ministry fall. I have worried over my own walk, and have struggled like anyone else. I have worked other jobs, outside of ministry, for short stints of time, but always returned to ministry. I have my share of struggles with sin and pride. Along the way I have watched the marriages of many in my social circles collapse. I have seen people who walked powerfully with God one day disappear, running after another lover, abandoning spouse and family. I have watched ministry after ministry crumble because people touched the glory, the gold, or the girls/guys. With each one of those falls I have gone back to examine my own life, my goals, my walk with Jesus, and my marriage. Each time I found fault in my life, my need to repent, for renewal, and for recommitment. I realized I was not immune. Then about five years ago it hit me . . . Few finish well.

I now understand that what I was lamenting in those early years was that I did not know how to begin, but I have also learned that beginning well, because of background, does not guarantee a great finish. Even now, I find myself more aware of my faults, my weaknesses, and my sinfulness, despite years of ministry and walking with the Lord. I am convinced more than ever that finishing well is more important than starting well. At midcareer I have a long way yet to go. As I study the lives of King David, and of Moses, I recognize that at the very end of their lives, they faltered. Moses did not see the promise land. David was hunted by his own son, had horrible family relationships, and slept with a young concubine to “keep warm.” In contrast the Apostle Peter faltered early. He was not the brightest star, he denied Jesus, and he was even challenged by the Apostle Paul for conspiring with Judaizers, and called him an apostate. Yet Peter each time got up, repented, and moved forward. Peter finished well! We can also note that the Apostle Paul began as Saul of Tarsus who persecuted the church. While he did not finish well in the eyes of his professor (Gamaliel) he finished well in the eyes of God and the church.

I want to finish well. I want my grandchildren to know God because of me, not in spite of me. I want to celebrate old age with my wife, mother of my children, and tell them how to love for a lifetime. I want to leave the pulpit because I am old, not because I could not keep my zipper up, my hands off, or because I took credit for what God did. I still have a long way to go, and that is why I need people in my life who love me, speak truth to me, and people who do not stop asking questions just because they believe the best about me. I need the business manager to question my expenses, to review my compensation, and to ask questions. I need to tell you that God did it, even if he did use me. I may say thank you, but I still need to tell you that God is good. For one reason, I want to finish well so that God can say, “Well done good and faithful servant.” It is not how you start that matters as much, it’s how you finish that matters most.

Discipleship: Lessons from Alcoholics Anonymous?

I was talking to a friend recently who was celebrating twenty years of sobriety. He found his sobriety in an AA program, which emphasized that in the first ninety days that he needed to attend a group meeting every day and call his sponsor every day too. They also taught him to read from the Big Book each day, and to spend time reading or listening to something inspirational every day as well. They also taught him that during those first ninety days that he had to pull away from his old world, and spend as much time as possible with others who had been sober longer than himself. The purpose of all this was to submerse himself in a new life style, one free from addiction, and give himself a chance to change his thinking. They told him that he needed to sever some of his relational ties that were unhealthy, and that during those first few months that the meetings may not make much sense because of the new lingo, and the new view of the world he would have to catch onto by being present. They told him if he stuck with it that one day, something would click, he would hear his story, and that he would never want to go back. They also told him that if after ninety days if he wanted his old life back he could have it, free of charge. The point was to get free, and to do that he needed to take some radical measures to change his life, and they told him that he would need the support structure of a group to do it. He would be learning a new way of life, free from the destructive effects of addiction. When my friend joined AA he was broken, and he wanted a new life. Eventually, he became convinced that he needed God too, not just a higher power, and that he needed Jesus’ forgiveness. So he went to church.

At church he found a great social circle and later joined a church that had a Bible-based recovery program. In his desire to say clean and sober he started attending their recovery program but saw many of the members struggling to stay clean and sober, because the church program only had one meeting a week. However, one size did not fit all. He also noted that they were not being encouraged to spend time together outside of the church recovery program, that they were not being told to read daily, and that they were not getting any input except at the one meeting. His summation was that the leaders, who were mostly pastors, did not understand how difficult it was to get free from their old way of life, and that were trying to approach a serious problem with some good music, a nice little lesson, and without much commitment. Do you see any parallels between the church recovery program, and the general approach of the church in North America to life change?

Like the church recovery program my friend encountered, most churches are trying to tackle the issues of sin and addiction to self with a one hour a week meeting, with a lesson for everyone, designed to accomplish everything. When was the last time you heard anyone say? “You need to dig in, read from the “Big Book” daily, and listen to something inspirational everyday too.” When did anyone ever say this? “These first ninety days are the toughest. You need to meet daily with a sponsor, and everyday spend time with a more mature saint to learn this new way of life. You may need to go to a meeting everyday for a while, and even though you won’t understand it all, eventually you will get it, it will all click, and you’ll hear your story. You may also have to get rid of some friendships that pull you down, and who do not want you to change.” Nope, in most churches that is labeled legalism. Instead most churches today dumb-down the message and feel the need to explain away any hard stuff. Many churches stress a low commitment mentality. The results of this modern Christianity make for a few well-staged, and carefully scripted testimonies, but for most people, transformation does not come in a miraculous event, or in a once a week meeting. For most people, transformation comes through the diligent and purposeful discipline of daily reading in the Bible, spending time with other disciples of Jesus who are more mature. Even better still is spending time with a sponsor (or discipler) and reading or listening to something inspirational everyday. Changing your life may take two or three meetings a week for a while. Maybe even doing the hard work of changing your mind, heart and actions through intentional practice of the things you have learned in meetings and through a sponsor. This kind of sound advice is not legalism. It is the way the church has made disciples for over 2,000 years. Our technology and our social graces have not improved upon this time proven method. The real, but hidden, legalism in most churches today, is unwritten dress codes, approved TV programs, social drinking, political parties and positions, versions of the Bible, dancing and other subjects that are not in the Bible, but have become the hallmark of faithfulness in American churches while loyalty to Jesus has hit an all time low.

As well, I am intrigued that among those who sponsor others in AA, and other recovery programs, that they do not frown upon hearing the basics over and over again. Instead they go over the basics daily before delving into other stuff, because if they get away form the basics they will loose their way. They may not go to meeting everyday anymore, but they are regulars. They sponsor others because they want people to be able to change their lives. They may be strong enough to go places they could not when they started down the road to sobriety but neither do they wallow in that stink, and tell everybody how they can handle it. They recognize where they came from, how easily they could like a dog return to their vomit, and they intentionally work to keep their mind on what is good, noble, and worthy. I am reminded of the words of the Apostle Paul in Philippians 4.8, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” (ESV)

The disciplines of life change that are employed by AA and other recovery programs are the same disciplines the church has used for over 2,000 years. My only caution is that as you enter into a discipleship plan that you recognize it as a plan, its not carved in stone. Discipleship is not a merit-based system for getting brownie-points with God. The goal isn’t to earn anything, but to change our selves, to get free from the corrosive effects of sin, and our addiction to self.

So then, do you have a growth plan? Are you freer today than you were when you started walking with Christ? Have you gotten free from the same old stuff or are you still captive to it? Do you know more about what God is doing in your life? Are you more full of joy in spite of circumstances? If the answer is no, maybe its time to start treating your old life like cancer instead of a cold? Maybe its time to take your addiction to sin and selfishness serious and develop a ninety day plan to sober-up, and change your life.